Nothing says “I’m more of a man” than turning a year older. It’s important that men stick together and celebrate these days of manliness…what better way to do that than in the English countryside, drinking beer and talking man-talk…
Date: Man-Saturday (when it suits)
Location: Alfriston, Sussex,UK
Agenda: An English Village, Man-Talk and Beer
Unfortunately, man-days need to start a bit earlier than you would hope for, taking a train from London Bridge @ 8.42 am. We’ll need to ensure we’ve got our man-dar on as we need to make a couple of train changes to get down to Alfriston.
Man-Dar not to be confused with the gay-dar the man-dar will pick up on any chances to show prowess through navigation, map reading and direction – split second decisions implemented with conviction. Appropriate use of the man-dar will see you reach your destination in the most efficient way and is likely to be followed with bouts of telling you’re friends just how awesome you are.
From Berwick train station, we’ll sprint for 2 miles at world record speed (read: take a taxi) to arrive at the village of Alfriston around 10:30. This will be a perfect time to strut around showing off your kiwi man-traits, namely saying ‘Aye bro’ and ‘Oh yeah hi, my name is Brit’ – never mind those who don’t understand you, it’s just a display of their jealousy toward your man-traits.
Like a gladiator entering the arena, from 12 midday, we will be entering our arena, the pub. Dressed in our best get-up, jandals, jeans and t-shirts we will strut through those pub doors like an out-law into a saloon – only the silence as we enter will not be because no-one knows us, oh no, it will be because people are overwhelmed at the muskiness of man. Ladies might pass-out, but then they’re used to the aroma of ‘The Pom’ – all talk and no game.
The afternoon will be spent enjoying mug after mug of local beer, ain’t no place for that wanky euro-sh*t, this is real beer time with real men. There may be a pie or two involved during the afternoon, Graham Henry ensures that the All Blacks take on energy during half time, so, like them, we will take on energy to make it through the second half of the day. Who knows, we might even get a call from Richie, just to say hi.
Then around 5pm we will need to change back into our London shells, insulate our man-dars and head back to the big smoke. The city isn’t a place for the man, too much hair product, too many bars trying to set trends and too many human beings trying to be men. That’s right, those tight black jeans or that blazer is just plain gay, you made the decision to wear it pal, so wear the consequences too – that’s what I say to that lot anyway.
Want more details? Don’t expect them – men don’t worry about details, it’s comes with the territory. Just so you can plan the defensive and offensive route, should we be attacked by the Spanish Armada and the English throw us into the front line again, here is where we’re off to: